Love is in the air, but why can't I breathe? ( The full blown effect of Fenylethylamine)

Well, this is a rather personal piece, but I really need to let out these feelings of mine so I'm going to get it off my chest, right now.

I love him. I hate him. I looooove him! I despise him! Oh, just get out of my head, won't you!!!
But no, of course not. You won't go away will you? You won't.
Because you're the Fenylethylamine shooting through my convolutions (hee hee).
Because, you're so beautiful, so fresh, so different.
I know, I know, love is logical but sometimes I just can't seem to find any logic in it. Why is that? Beats me. God knows I've tried, quite desperately,to prove it illogical, stupid and insignificant. Some days I feel so happy, so reckless, so powerful. Where's all the mush disappeared? Some days I'm pathetic (like a child left behind, like a pet left in the rain *guitar chords*) But -but-at the end of the day, all my ups and downs, my highs and lows, my shrieks and sobs change nothing. I really really wish Roxette were right when they trilled : "It must 've been love, but it's over now....it must've been good, but I lost it somehow..."
Well, you've probably heard the proverb "Blame the hormones" (not blame the genes, you doofus!) . I respect that saying, it has a lot of truth to it. Atleast I think so.
Okay, okay, so I'm making excuses, but what else can I do? I'm forever stuck in a race, and I'm the lone athlete. Noodle quotes :"Acceptance is the path to peace, and peace to happiness." or something like that ( =P ) Well it's true but I'm human, dude, I'm not Jiddu Krishnamurthy (guffaws).
" The matters of the heart are far more complicated than the matters of the mind. You would do better not to indulge in them, my son." (hell, I don't know why I'm quoting people so much, citing accurate sources may be hard =S) The man who said this, and I'm sure it's a man, should be hanged I say! It's because of paranoid parents such as these that all the good ones are not "taken" but are unavailabe , even for comment!!! =O
I guess I'll have to admit, "I'm just a love-machine" on a long scary roller-coaster ride. Hey where are the breaks? What is my destination? No one knows, we'll all just have to wait and watch. =)

Independence Day deserves a post =] (Hey there, Mikey)

Today I wore saffron. The colour of sacrifice, purity and ascetism. And I hoisted the flag myself. Please take note everyone, on the Independence Day of 2009, Right Honourable Charu Kulkarni hoisted the Indian flag in the Kulkarnis' garden, having been accorded the honour to do so by her Dad, in view of the upcoming Cannon Launch event, where she will be sent flying through the sky with 22.99 kilograms of luggage and a tabla set, all the way to our very own Minnetosa.

...Oops, Minnesota.

Today is (uh...was) Independence Day. And what did I do? I ate two gulab jamuns extra. Hear, hear Ratty.

Well, this time, I can't even seem to make up something to say, but I feel too sad for Independence Day. And since I'll be "up, up and away", I thought I'll just bray... that I love my country. THAT DIDN'T RHYME!!! =D

Wait... Gimme a sec to recover from that joke... *collapses into giggles*

Okay. Now that we are all sober, I would like to say that I really do love my country. I don't love it for its culture, but for my personal culture as a result of living in it. I love it because it's a fun place to be. People often ask me, have you tried Cane-o-la? I hear they have the most amazing sugarcane juice. They also ask me, do you think you'll come back after studying in the US? Are you sure you won't settle there? And I answer: Yes, Cane-o-la rocks. Their caney-looking ambience is awesome. I avoid answering the second question. I say I don't know.

I do that because they wouldn't understand even if I told them. (And I know my blog readers are soooo smart.) The simple thing that will very likely bring me back to India is the amount of fun I can have here, and also that I feel at home here. I know the people, I can read their expressions, I understand the behavior protocol because I frikkin grew up here, I know my way around my city, when I go to a different city I know what to expect... India is my comfort zone.

...I have a feeling you already grasped that crucial point.

...So why am I still ranting?

=]

Wokay, time to wrap up. Good night everyone, sleep tight everyone, cheer for the freedom fight everyone. (That was lame lame lame, but this blog is mine mine mine, so it's fine fine fine.)

WHAT THE HELL!! Shut up and go to sleep, Charu. Oops, I mean Noodle.

Arre, love you India, meri jaan, oye hoye!!!

Aldrea and Dak, Part Two

So I'm finally ready to write Part Two.

What does it feel like, to hear the one you love make a promise to you that they will stand by you no matter what, and then to see them break it? What does it feel like, not to be able to trust the person you love?

Dak and Aldrea know. They have their own personal desires for themselves; they each have a vision of where they want to be at a point in their lives. Of what they want their surroundings to look like. Of the kind of people they want to be. Then they find each other, and they cannot tell why life has brought them together, although they each feel like they cannot do without the other in their lives. They see that they care for each other, and also that they don't get along and are very different. Also, that they cannot understand or stand each others' motivations sometimes.

And yet, amidst all the mutual disconcertment, irritation, puzzlement and distrust, there is undying love (though neither can tell why the hell it is undying). This love tears apart, as well as heals. It draws apart, yet attracts. It stings the brain raw, but covers the heart in a warm blanket.

And in an epiphanic moment, they realize that all that is real is their love, and that everything else they can calmly, and even happily, allow to go to hell. But all purity of thought and heart comes at a great price. And so it was, that Aldrea had to be trapped in the morph of a Hork-Bajir, and give up the Andalite identity she so dearly loved, and would once have chosen over Dak. Dak had to see his brothers be murdered and do the murdering, change the fate of the Hork-Bajir forever, and in a sense also lose the Hork-Bajir identity which he so fiercely loved.

In the centre of the whirling tornado of death, violence and hopelessness, they found love. They found it, because when life gave them the opportunity to choose themselves or the other, they chose the other.

I know I'm getting a little carried away with this. =] But Aldrea and Dak really were heroes, and their story deserves to be told with fanfare, due respect, and a big microphone. Hence all the high-flown dramatica. =] But, to be very sincere... Thanks Aldrea, Dak. I want to be like you someday.

PS: I would have loved to type in (even excruciatingly long) quotes from the book, but unfortunately I had to return it to the library.

Mikey Upside Down

=[

today Mikey is upside down

his lips are turned down

toward the town

where lonely people frown

and in sadness drown

and why is he this way?

coz he's had a rough day

when nothing went his way

and now he feels gray

i wish i knew why

girls are not like guys

and why

we all lie

when id like to fly

to anyplace in the sky

eye to eye

with you and without blinking

or thinking

just letting our hearts

assemble all the broken parts

of all the starts

that we began

and never ran

through until the end

what am i saying?

to whom am i praying?

why am i delaying?

all i want to say

is that i love you

and i love this happy day

when Mikey is down

with the frown

because today

i know that i love you

no matter what you do

that makes me blue

because its all you

and i dont care about anything else

ill take all the bad spells

and do only what my heart tells

which will always be to love you well

and soon

the frown

will turn upside down

and Mikey will once again be the clown

be Mikey

be the smiley

of you and me

Dawn’s Child

Okay, so I'm feeling kinda guilty that I've been lazing around and moping all day long. Well not moping exactly, but just slouching about like a lout (when I'm not hogging) and generally feeling yucky. So to up my confidence, I have decided to showcase this profound (note choice of word) poem. Hope you like it!

Dawn’s Child

The jacarandas- they swish aloft,

Their purple plumes a soft fire

Below below the men they stand,

Drowning out their restless ire.

Harking not the peaceful lull,

Sensing not the blooming rush,

They’re all around, yes ‘tis true

Upon us now, the candid blush.

But the men –those infants blind-

Glance about, loitering long,

Another day that drags on and on,

Spewing out the same old song.

Soggy with their wasted dreams,

Shrouding full an easy urge,

Struggling ‘neath the elders’ curse,

Leaving not the winds to purge.

Simple pleasures long discarded

Chasing, chasing after… what?

Ever-flitting eyes of chatty masks

Alive then, but coming to naught.

One entity that converges seldom

With the lassitude of the hackneyed

Instead choosing wild profusion

Drifting ‘long the springtime staid.

That staid surety shining sapphire,

Blinking into the wide-eyed sun,

Intrinsically bright, breathing life,

Suffusing all, segregating none.

Facebook note: At This Moment

Please forgive the rambling. I'm overdue for it.

[Warning: Convoluted, in(s)ane shit, incoming. Anjali, I doubt even you'd understand this one.]

There are times when I just stop and think -- what could be happening at this very moment? Are people dying? Sleeping? On FB? Getting stoned? (I know for a fact that people ARE getting stoned, like RIGHT NOW, and that makes me feel so so so lonely.) What could my friends be doing? What could people halfway around the world be doing? There are people who are laughing their lungs out, celebrating, silent, bored as hell, having the worst, most traumatic moment of their lives, realizing something.... realizing something!! Right this moment, someone in the world realized something!! It feels so weird thinking that... Someone might be thinking the same thing that I am right now...

At this moment... Someone might be writing a song, dancing, getting drenched in the rain, hacking, shooting, killing, raping, performing a surgery, crying for their dead mother, flying a kite, surfing channels, answering the doorbell, blowing out candles on a cake, writing an exam, writing the SAT (!!!!!), thinking about COLLEGE (I know a lot of people are doing that) getting tense for something, stealing something, racking their brains, following someone, getting mugged, solving a jigsaw puzzle, drowning, trying on a new shoe, or... getting married =)

Of course this note is pointless, stop reading it now and go look at your news feed. =]

But it feels nice to think that I took a moment to think about ALL the different sorts of things that people could be doing at this moment... because later in the day when someone tells me that they were doing X last night, I will have the opportunity to remain unfazed. Thats one thing that always bugs me. People can always surprise the hell out of me when they say I-did-this-or-that. So, tomorrow, they cant. =D Maybe I should try this ritual every night. Don't worry, that doesn't mean more notes of this kind on Facebook!

PS: Exploding an At-This-Moment thought bomb in your head provides even better results when you consider the entire galaxy (or even the entire universe) when you do it, and not just the earth. Try it!!

Semi-trance

Hello everyone. Today finds me in the uniquest of moods: a combination of cynicism, contentment and an urgent desire for sudden surreal randomness that makes cosmic sense. It's a weird mood to be in. I've heard some of the craziest things lately... they don't bother me as such, but they're putting me in this mood, which is kinda intoxicating and, surprisingly, not at all unpleasant/disconcerting. That's what I mean. I like the mood. But it's weird.

It is imaginably a bit of an overload for a person who knows people from all the various opposite ends of the personality spectrum to try to understand all of them, and to figure out how to be around them so that they think you're a nice person. (That classic Charu sentence took a bit of time and effort.) That's part of how I feel right now. Overloaded. But I don't want to let it go, because it's a nice sort of overload. Also what's amazing is that the mood persists as I'm observing and documenting it. That usually never happens.

Great! I'm getting better at self-control. =]

Well, now that that's over, I would like to share a little haiku that I wrote the other night/morning. I was in this stoned-kind-of state (but I wasn't stoned... don't worry), half-asleep, seeing things move around me in the semi-dark, and it just sort of "popped into my head", to use the oft-used phrase. Strictly, it didn't "pop", it sort of slid in, like as if it was playing on a slow record. So after that pointless prologue, here it is.

I don't know if the lights are too bright, or the shadows too dark

But I can't see your face in front of me

I really can't find any words in my tingu vocabulary to describe how I felt when I thought this. The best I can come up with is semi-trance, induced without the help of any substance of any kind. Like I said once on Facebook, I don't need weed to get stoned. Holidays are enough.

I hate to end this post... I really want to say more! But there's nothing to say... =[ I feel like thoroughly expounding on this incredible mood I'm in right now, but I already have. =] For good measure, I'll put up the note I put up on Facebook, for the benefit of my non-existent (except for me) blog readers.

.....Today is a nice day.