Carleton.

And it's Carleton. For all of you who have been waiting to hear with baited breath what I have to say about Carleton, about the US, about how I've been adjusting and managing myself (hi Mom, hi Dad) here is my long-awaited take on everything, right from food at Carleton all the way to its fight song. Here you will find a detailed description of all events that took place after I got here, some of which I was a part of and some of which I wasn't. So without further delay. Here. It. Is. =]

...Oh, I forgot to say that this may take more than one post. So. Yeah. =]

*huge sigh* Ookay. Carleton. Waiting for the flight from New York to Minneapolis was very annoying. I was fidgeting in my seat, waiting for something to happen, or making things happen myself - the Arab family I was sitting next to was staring at me because I got up to use the restroom four times just for timepass. (The last time I went just to check if my hair was in place.) I wrote a note to myself in my diary, because I thought maybe I will want to see a record of this moment in the future. Here are some excerpts from that very same note.

"Aaaahhh!!!"

"I'm eager, at the same time, I'm dreading it like hell. I dunno what to expect, and at the same time I know what it'll be like, and that's KILLING ME."

"Oh god. Ummmm.... I'm blank. I need someone to talk to!"

So you see how I was feeling. Antsy. Restless. Restrained. Limited. I wanted the ability to see into the future and see what it was going to be like. I still don't know exactly how I felt, because it was so many emotions and I'm still not articulate enough. The best I can do is: it was a kind of quiet noise, something gnawing at me plus a sort of wholesome feeling of living one's life, of being at a point on the timeline. I could feel the timeline, feel my past and future stretched out on either side. I wanted terribly for something to happen, and at the same time I was willing to wait forever to go to college.

But I soon boarded the flight. It was uneventful. I have long since stopped looking eagerly out the window and telling myself "a new place... a new world... a new place..." in a wistful mental voice. On the flight I remember thinking how quickly I had become accustomed to flying, and how easily I had let it become a normal part of my life.

Anyway, I landed in Minneapolis (Minn for short) and there was some stupid luggage problem. I sorted it out soon enough. I remember seeing Koreans and Asian-faced people all around me, and thinking oh god these are ALL Carleton people I am SO sure. It turned out that almost none of them were actually going to Carleton, and that Minn has a large Asian population (it's quite possible). So finally after roaming around a little, I ran into Carleton people, namely Max Bearak and Luyen Phan. Mr Luyen was our International coordinator, and Max was an ISO (Int Student Orientation) leader. I met Peter from Thailand, Yuvika, Julia from China, Daoji from China, Yiran from China, Daniel from Russia, Kenneth from Singapore and Debbie also from Singapore. I also met Fadi, but he left with his uncle; he'd arranged his own transport to Carleton.

I remember feeling shy at first, and everything I did at TISB or wherever I went in Bangalore kicked in again, and I found myself slowly settling into the same loops. However, I didn't suddenly snap out of it and force myself to be outgoing. I told myself to just be myself and do what I want without fear or shame. Sounds big and deep, but when put in context, it just entailed chilling and not going hyper when people didn't talk to me, and doing whatever I wanted to at the time, for example unashamedly letting Luyen pay for my doughnut when he insisted, and going and joining a group of people because I wanted to talk to them and get to know them. I shelved my ego.

I let myself go, and took it easy. I didn't feel much pressure to be/do something that I was not. Do I sound proud of myself? I am, quite. =] I feel glad. I mean, there are still bouts of fear and loneliness, but that's also what I am and what I feel. There is no sin and no shame in it. =] I am what I am.

That's it for now. I will write an entry every night until I get to NOW. I know this must be frustrating for people who want news of Carleton, and got an in-depth reflection of the flight to there. Don't worry. Tomorrow night. =D