The child has grown, the dream is gone... I have become... comfortably...

And sometimes you close your eyes and see the place where you used to live

When you were young

I lost something today. It is finally and concretely gone. I just stopped meaning something to somebody. Just like how when a button is switched off. When you know the computer is in sleep mode, and then it just switches off silently, sometime in the afternoon, when the curtains are closed and there's no one in the room. Without a sound.

I know I want to be right. I am right. I don't want to have to grapple with the fact that I still mean what I used to mean to that someone, I just want to mean to them what I mean NOW, and that's that. Things have changed, and no one can suggest otherwise. I've had enough of otherwise-suggestions. It's time to say - yup. We're somewhere where we never thought we'd be, and here we are. Now the question seems to be - where do we go from here. Where indeed.

It feels so... blugh... to think how far you've come. Where you started, and where you are... How old am I now? 18? And what does that even mean? What does it mean? It's still in me to run around like as if I was three. I AM three. I am still in the first day of school, I am still a cute little thing that stumbles when it walks. I am still a thing that enjoys auto rides more than anything in the world, and cant wait for the next one. I still want to retreat into myself like a foetus sometimes, and I still want to smile with my whole self and stretch my arms out to anyone who's willing to carry me and perform funny antics to make me laugh.

It's bitter baby and it's very sweet

I'm on a rollercoaster and I'm on my feet

Insanity, it seems, has got me by my soul to squeeze

With all the dying trees, I scream

Fine. Whatever. I got everything I need. Find me somewhere. I don't know. I wanna yell maybe, but that's dumb. I guess this is the kind of feeling that inspires things like dry-sounding grunge. Drudgery. Decadence? Naw. I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm just... something, I dunno. I dunno.

I want you to notice

When I'm not around

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here